Context and Truth

Context is important when telling a story.  Without it, the story can become warped and untruthful.  Telling a story without context can cast someone in a better or worse light depending on the objective of the story teller.  Truth is also a key when telling a non-fictional story.  Omitting facts can give the listener/reader the wrong impression.  So while you are technically telling the truth, you’re leaving out parts that don’t tell the entire story.

Please know that it is not my intention to offend anyone and hurt anyone’s feelings, but this blog Grace wrote about Maria is filled with inaccuracies, embellishment, gives no context for some accusations and omits many facts that changes the story.  I would like to add context, those omitted facts and some commentary to this blog post.

Since I was little, I remember knowing not to mess with her. I don’t remember where it began, but I always seemed to know that it would be best to do what she said, without argument. I saw quite often how harsh she could be with her son, and it honestly scared me.

Maria is a disciplinarian.  She was tough on Jonas growing up and she’s tough on Emily and Caleb.  You may not like her methods, but you can’t argue with the results.  They are some of the most well behaved kids I’ve ever seen.

One week when I was 13 I stayed at Macy’s house for a week. It was the hottest week of the summer, and her son and I were playing outside as directed, so we wouldn’t bother her.

Maria watches several young kids during the day, all of whom take naps in the afternoon.  When you and Jonas get together, you’re loud.  She sent you outside to not disturb the napping babies.

We came inside for a drink, and she said we had gone over our allowance of juice for the day (?) and couldn’t drink anymore.

If you and Jonas were left to your own devices, you’d drink an entire case of pop in a day.

As she said this, she poured herself a tall glass of cold orange juice in front of our eyes.

I’ve known Maria for 10 years and the ONLY time I can recall seeing her drink orange juice was when she was in the latter stages of pregnancy because it made the babies kick.  I was the only one in the house that drank OJ.  Stating that she poured herself a tall glass of orange juice and drank it front of you is HIGHLY  UNLIKELY.

She sent us back outside to pull the weeds, and she stayed inside to play Farmville. I thought it was a little strange, but besides being thirsty, we dealt with it okay.

Water (pretty much the only thing Maria does drink) is always available.

That same week, Macy asked if I would babysit kids for her. Not just her kids though, her kids plus 3 other kids that she babysits daily for others. She gushed about how helpful it would be since she had soooo many things to do, and she’d pay me the money that she would get for the kids that day. I said that I didn’t think I could handle all of the kids by myself…

You’re not watching them by yourself, you’re helping out.

she just said I was being immature. In fact, I realized then that she said that a lot to me, When she wanted me to do something,

Funny, I can’t recall her EVER saying that to you.  In fact, Maria and I frequently discussed how mature and responsible you were for your age and how you didn’t act like a lot of other teenagers.

So, I babysat the 5 kids that day. I stayed with them for a number of hours, When she finally got home, she was upset with me because one of the kids didn’t have his nap at the right time, or something of that nature. I was only 13, for goodness sake, and I had been watching 5 kids.

She left you at the house alone with 5 kids?  Once again, HIGHLY UNLIKELY.  She won’t even leave me at the house with 5 kids, let alone a 13 year old.

She then snapped that I would not be getting paid for this. Anytime for the rest of the day that she looked at me, she would sort of roll her eyes and make my “stupidity” very apparent. I felt like an idiot.

When having babysitters at the house, Maria has actually, at times, paid more than what they asked for and in the case of Jonas, who said he didn’t want paid to watch his siblings, was still paid.  You mentioned two instances from the week you stayed at our house, but left out the facts that we took you out to eat on several occasions, out for ice cream, and spent an entire day at Kennywood.  Your “week of hell” at our house suddenly doesn’t seem so “hellacious” anymore, does it?

Throughout my teenage years, many similar events happened. As I turned 15, 16, Macy started at me with comments. At first they’d be said with a friendly laugh, “You’re wearing THAT?”

Context would be wonderful.  When was this said?  What were you wearing?  Were you wearing sweatpants to church?  If so, that probably needs to be said.

“Isn’t it crazy how I’m 18 years older than you and you wear a larger pants size??”

I don’t recall her saying “larger pants size”.  I do recall her saying “same pants size”.  You recently posted a picture of yourself wearing Maria’s clothes that she accidentally left behind one visit.  The fact that you’re the same size didn’t seem to bother you much then.  Also, Maria gave you hundreds, if not thousands of dollars worth of clothing because you’re around same size.  I didn’t see this mentioned anywhere in this post.

“You’re so cheap.”

I DO recall her saying this.  Let me add some much needed context to this comment.  We were taking our family vacation to Sandbridge, VA that year and we invited Grace to come along.  At the beginning of the week, Grace said she had like $100 (maybe less) in her wallet.  On the last or next to last day of our trip, Grace mentioned she still had $100.  Laughing, Maria said “Oh my God, you’ve been on vacation at the beach for an entire week and haven’t spent a single dollar?!”  That IS cheap.  She probably didn’t spend it because Maria paid for everything she wanted to do and get.  She’s generous like that.

Around the same time, Macy began a fitness journey. She started doing 5Ks, then 10Ks, and eventually marathons, and we were all happy for her. Getting healthy is always something to celebrate! However, she developed even more of a superior attitude than she had had before.

A superior attitude?  You mean confidence.

Just about every day there would be a new picture of her with all of her medals, or her trophy for getting first place. A certain amount of this kind of thing is normal. Accomplishments like that are definitely something to be proud of.

Maria works really really hard and trains really hard to be a good runner.  She is entitled to celebrate her accomplishments however she wants.

But it was as if every success of hers was a failure on my part.

Isn’t that envy?  Isn’t that a sin?

Since I wasn’t accomplishing everything she was, she treated me like I was the laziest, most unmotivated person in the world.

After Maria became a marathon runner, she motivated the other sisters and her parents to take part in running, exercising and eating healthier.  Her goal was to motivate you, the way she motivated others.

I thought someone should confront Macy about how she’d been hurting people. However, I was too intimidated to take action.

You’re so intimidated by Maria that you agreed to go on vacation and spend a week at our house.  Most people avoid others that make them feel uncomfortable.

When I began dating my current boyfriend, I was 17. Macy would always pick on me about him, saying he looked creepy, needed a haircut, etc.

Let’s add some context.  When you started dating Nick, he looked like Jonas’ identical twin brother.  It looked like you were dating your nephew.  That IS creepy.  It wasn’t until he cut his hair and got rid of his glasses, that is stopped being so creepy.

My boyfriend was always so nice to her, doing extra things like playing piano for her (second) wedding…

I’m going to pretend (second) was just informational and not snark…

I don’t remember exactly how it went, but she did something in the game and I mumbled “Dumb” or something to that effect under my breath. Okay, that was a mistake. But it didn’t deserve this response.

Ohh how I wish I was there for this.  I’ve now heard several versions of story, so I don’t know what to believe.  You did say something, you didn’t say something, you were scratched with the pen, lightly drawn on with the pen, stabbed with the pen.  The amount of embellishing and exaggeration you’re doing in this blog and the fact that Maria is my wife, I’m inclined to believe her.  But I don’t really have any proof.

We discussed that perhaps she had a mental disorder;

So all of the Williams family members are psychiatrists now?  Interesting.

At the beginning of the week, we had been selected to make and present a banner, (for which all of my ideas were rejected my Macy…) and it was to be presented Thursday night. Being that it was a family banner, I figured all of us would say something to explain the banner. When I asked though, Macy said that she would be doing the talking. She performed a rap by herself and didn’t even end up mentioning the banner when we were onstage.

I wasn’t there for the week, but I was present for the banner presentation and how you described it is NOT how it happened at all.  It was discussed with me and at least one other sister that we would NOT be explaining the banner as it was a family tree with our names and did not require explanation.  Also, Maria did the speaking (your Dad too by the way) because no one else would.  Maria hates public speaking and hates the sound of her voice (I love it though), but since no one else would speak, she took the lead role.  She did perform the rap by herself because it was written on a single piece of paper and couldn’t exactly be shared.  Also, no one else wanted to do the rap in front of the audience.  Don’t make it out like she silenced the rest of the family and took the spotlight for herself.  I was there.  You’re twisting that moment into something its not to serve your own purpose.  If I seem angry, its because I am.  I was there personally to witness this and how you’re describing it is manipulative and makes me question everything you’ve written.

As a family, we came together and wrote a letter to Macy. It mentioned camp as well as some other concerning things that have happened with her, urging her to seek help ONLY BECAUSE we love her and want her to be the best person she can be.

You spent an entire week with her, but then decided after it was over to attack every aspect of her character through a letter.  You claim its written with love, but you’re essentially punching her in the face and saying “I love you” over and over again.  Your words and actions were not matching up.

We had to have said the word “love” upwards of 10 times, reiterating it at least every paragraph or so. We revised it many times, and finally came up with an acceptable copy, approved by all of us.

I’ve touched on this many times already via email and phone calls with Dad, but how could you write a letter addressing Maria’s mental health and NOT consult her husband?  You know… ME!  The guy that’s with her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  This letter touched on many subjects, not just her relationship with the sisters, like my marriage, saying that it was “suffering”.  How is it you all are in a better position to JUDGE my marriage better than me?

We thought she would be so ashamed: crying, torn apart by the realization that she had hurt us all in different ways.

If Maria was a weak person with a mental illness, she probably would have done this.

Instead, I received a text that said, “OMG. Biggest overreaction ever. Literally laughing right now!” Really? Laughing while reading the ways she had hurt us all? HOW?

Laughing on the outside anyways.  She was hurt by this letter, as was I.  It was an ATTACK against every aspect of her character and provided ZERO evidence/proof/examples.  It was basically just a baseless “You’re crazy, get help, you have no say in this” letter.

Then, we all received an email from her, subject line: My Response. She talked about how she truly was hurt by the letter, but not because she realized her fault. Instead, she said it was full of lies.

Well… that’s because it was.  My marriage is not suffering.  Her friendships are strong.  Her family life is wonderful.  Her faith in God has never been stronger.  None of that is true, thus it is false.  Lies.

She brought up the fact that I had a conflict with my roommate last year (because of no fault of mine), and how because that happened I must be the problem, not her.

Actually, *I* brought this up, not her.  In the past year, you fought with your roomate, fought with your friends,  fought with Maria, sobbed uncontrollably in the car for an hour on the way back from the Bull Roast and a couple months ago went to the ER for a panic attack.  I’m not going to pretend to be a psychiatrist, but this seems unusual for you.

She went on to say how my boyfriend reminded her of her ex-husband.

Maria and I both agree on this point.  He reminded me of Jason as well.  Nice to the adults, different when around others.

Her ex-husband that was abusive, anti-God, controlling, mean, etc.

This is the same man that Mom and Dad try to force Maria to stay with.

She demanded an apology from all of us and for us to take back the things we said.

Nothing you said was true in that letter.  You attacked her and hurt her for basically no reason.  You are in the wrong and need to apologize.  When you realize this, only then, can we move on.

Her next course of action was to write two blog posts about us. She talked about how we are bullies and are just trying to put her down.

Yes, the truth finally needed to be said.

She went on and on and on about how perfect every single aspect of her life is and how delusional we all were for thinking otherwise. Both posts were very hateful and hostile toward my family, especially my dad and I.

Not perfect, but not what you said it was.  Hateful and hostile?  You think her blog post was “hateful”, but your letter wasn’t because you wrote it with “love”?  Maria’s blog posts were facts backed up with examples.  Your letter was non-sense backed up with opinions based on nothing.

I needed to stop trying so hard to convince everyone that I was right.

Its impossible to be right when you’re wrong.

Sometimes being right isn’t the most important thing.

When you attack someone’s life and accuse them of having a mental illness, you better be damn sure you’re right.  To do otherwise its irresponsible.

As a Psych major, I take many Psychology classes in my coursework. This semester I am taking Social Psychology, and we learned in-depth information about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It shocked me: it fit Macy to a T.

You’re a sophmore in college taking a psych class.  You are in NO WAY qualified to diagnose people with mental illnesses.  Believing that you are is delusional.

I. Can’t. Change. Macy. It is likely that no matter how much she is confronted, Macy will never change.

Thanks God for that.  I love how she is.  Her children love how she is.  Her friends love how she is.  Most importantly, God loves how she is.

A trademark of the disorder is lashing out when one’s ego is threatened, just like Macy did at camp.

Maria lashed out because she was provoked.  This isn’t a sign of disorder.  Its a sign of human being defending themselves.

My stubbornness tells me to not quit until she sees her wrong, but nothing will benefit from that.

Your common sense should kick in and tell you that just because YOU don’t like someone, doesn’t mean, there’s something wrong with that person.  No one else has a problem with her.  Perhaps its you that has the problem that needs fixing.